A lawn care specialist is showering a patch of dandelions with liquid weed control when he hears a woman shriek out on the street. Startled, he rushes toward the front yard. Rounding the corner, he sees that a smooth arch of transparent liquid is being sprayed onto the left lane of the street from one of his trunk’s material tanks. A hose has broken. Liquid fertilizer is sprinkling the asphalt.
A woman is in hysterics, standing next to the growing puddle.
“I’ve been poisoned!” she’s yelling, holding up her left forearm. “My arm is covered in poison!”
Somehow, this poor woman hadn’t noticed that the service truck was spraying an eight foot high arch of liquid fertilizer onto the pavement like a rainbow of translucent tinkle from a giant cherub statue. So, she cruised through the ongoing accident with her arm hanging out the driver’s side window like an over-the-road trucker, dousing her forearm in liquid fertilizer.
“Oh god!” she wailed. “I’m covered in poison!”
The specialist apologized and calmly explained that there was no need to worry, as the product is ninety five percent water.
“I get this stuff on my skin on the time,” he implored. “I have a clean rag in the truck.Let me get you washed off.”
“No!” she protested.
The woman refused to have her arm cleaned of the “poison” because the police needed to see the “evidence”. However, when police arrived on seen, they basically told the woman to calm down and wash her arm with soap and water. She was making a big deal out of a minor accident, they said. Boy, was she angry.
This happened last week and it looks as if nothing will come of it. It’s too bad liquid fertilizer isn’t corrosive to the skin. If it was, this woman could have had a huge lawsuit payout. It looks like she’s going to have to work for a living. Or, more accurately, continue collecting an unemployment check. Poor thing. She almost got us.